Non fiction

In the span of four days, I wrote about 13,000 words. It was on a difficult matter for me to write about, but I just kept typing and typing. There was much to say, and still more unsaid. It's been a very long time since I wrote that much. I think that's painfully obvious for me while reading my own words- I'm so out of practice that it doesn't come as naturally as it used to! I used to read my own words and be impressed. Now I think it comes out looking too simple where it should be elegant, too awkward where it should be eloquent. I've disappointed myself. So, here I am trying to get back to my roots and explore the writing process and how it relates to my most recent writing (while I edit the bejeebus out of this post, still unsatisfied. Hi!).When I wrote essays in school, I would sketch outlines in my notebook, rearrange the order of ideas, then write a rough draft; I would then type the rough draft, changing the words as I transcribed. It was my method of forcing myself to re-write every word; I found it easier to move paragraphs in a certain order if I could turn the pages in my notebook while I did it. Whew, I'm really out of practice!

Even though this recent project doesn't contain a specific thesis or it doesn't have an argument in which I'm trying to persuade anything, I feel that I could not achieve the logic flow of thoughts that I used to accomplish. Maybe it was due to the nature of its content, but it was all over the place. There's a chronological thing going on, and then there's different common themes. Do I write it chronologically? It made sense because some events were necessary predecessors to others. But I can't make a strong point about one theme when breaking it up over the span of several chronological events. If I wasn't trying to make a point- just vomit out raw memories- is it necessary to edit? I think if I were to do it again, I'd organize it according to theme, not in chronological order. For the record, I do not make a point to edit blog posts, but sometimes I get that itch and tweak a thing or two.

It got me writing, and that's what I am determined to do. I've got to keep reading and writing. I find it a little challenging (but not impossible) to handle the entirety of  editing 13,000+ words in one chunk. Surprisingly, it didn't feel like I was writing that much. I wonder if this means I'll be used to writing in high volume, so it won't be as intimidating in the future. I feel like it has debunked some sort of notion I had about how much work it is to write. Don't get me wrong- there were moments after I was sitting there for hours on end that I clutched my head and exclaimed, "My brains- they're melting!"Like I said, editing 13,000 words is challenging-not impossible. Just as much time and care should be invested in planning, editing, and refining writing as the obvious jotting of words, in my opinion Like I mentioned, I used to invest about as much in the planning of an essay as the writing when I was a student. If I knew what my main idea was, I would make bullets of strong supportive points I wanted to make.Then, I would expand each one and flesh it out until It branched out into an essay. If you've ever written an essay the right way, this should be a no-brainer.

I think great writing requires that sort of design- like an architect sketching every detail of his concept before actually building a thing. The trouble of making it flow arises when you're not making one central, overarching statement. If you don't have a thesis to tie it all together, then the reader will have a hard time coming away with a conclusion from the writing. I don't think this applies per se with the sort of writing that I just finished. (And because I tied this paragraph in to the 13,000 word project, it is not an unrelevant one.) It was not that structured to begin with, it was more of a record of things I will hope to forget in detail. I don't have a specific audience.

The subject matter is not something I feel comfortable writing about here, but let's just say that it was exploring some parts of my past, one of which would explain why I am afraid of writing anything down. I think I'm no good, and am apprehensive about leaving myself vulnerable to have others tell me what I fear. Therefore, I don't try. I've been criticized and scrutinized my entire life. I don't seek ways to get rejected. I know it's silly, but when something is so ingrained in your past, it can be hard to see it objectively.

Ok, I feel so full of it trying to BS my way through explaining anything relevant to writing. My original intention was to note, "Hey! I wrote lots and it didn't kill me!" and how this is actually a good start once I know what I want to write about. I don't have to pre-plan the hell out of fiction the way I do with expository writing. I can just type and let things flow for a start. It's much easier to correct writing while reading it- not writing it- so I think I would use the same process I do for expository writing, which is (as a general rule) the smartest process I have used. I just wouldn't do the same sort of planning because it's creative, not expository. It would go like this: Detailed planning, fleshing out (writing), and editing/refining until desired finished product is achieved. I have little doubt that if I had spent hours planning my 13k project, I would have exceeded the finished trainwreck I'm stuck with. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" applies to writing!